A typical desi girl struggles to look ‘perfect’

Hey, ya’all! I know, I know, I haven’t posted anything since a week and you all must be missing me like hell (who misses hell, though? This phrase is so stupid). Any way, the other night, as I was lying on my bed, coaxing my brain to stop thinking and let me sleep, I thought of the girls around the world, trying their very best to look perfect at different occasions. Jokes aside, it’s a real struggle for them. Nah, boys can NEVER understand that. God knows, how much money we girls spend on cosmetics and parlor stuff, and just imagine the broken heart of a girl who spends a zillion on her beauty and even then, she gets a simple “you look nice” (Believe me, to her, it means you’re just OK). So, listen up, desi kurriyo’n. You want to look perfect and hide your natural looks? You want to get rid of your charming dark color? You want to mess with nature? Okay then, read these tips, I’ve simply gathered the most important things, to start off with, which we usually come across on our television screens.

• Your face is the most important. Wash it with ‘Dove’, takay log baar baar apke moun pr haath pheryn aur tb bhi unka smoothness se dil na bharay.
• You need to have clean hands. For that, wash your hands with ‘Safeguard‘, takay log ap se bila jhijhak haath milaayen aur unki mamma bhi kuch na keh sakayn.
• Never underestimate the power of zarra sa ‘Lux‘. Wash your body thoroughly with this soap. Ah, the different aromas…
• And now the feet. Um, you know what? Wash your feet with all three of them, because *cough*I’veSeenWomenWithFeetBlacker&DirtierThanTheFeetOfThePeopleWhoWorkInMines*cough*
• When it comes to your hair, first wash them with ‘Head ‘n’ Shoulders‘ to get rid of all the snowflakes. If you like a silky touch, finally, use ‘Sunsilk‘. If you like shiny hair, use ‘Pantene‘. And if you want a professional to take care of your hair, leave it to ‘Garnier.’ Such varieties, much wows.
• Who can forget the beloved ‘Fair & Lovely‘, count on it to give your skin a fair treatment and fight with the ruddy melanoytes till their last breath! (Oh yeah, talk about being efficient) Also, and this is for all the ladies out there who are 50+ and want to look 16 again, rely on ‘Ponds‘ age miracle to make you feel young once more! *sigh*
• If you have a lot of body hair, and you’re ashamed of your looking like a fucking gorrilla, get yourself super-hot-waxed! The thing is, ‘Veet‘ only works on smooth skin. It’ll give you a soft touch and wouldn’t let your man spare a second to scratch himself even if he is bloody itchy in the place which-must-not-be-named.
• If you think you’re worth everything great in this world and you’re the best and bla bla, ‘L’oreal Paris‘ is for you. Apply all their stuff on your face, nails, feet, eyes, lips etc and just wait for the magic. Although, me bata doun apko, itna kuch khareedny k baad apke paas date pr janay k paisay nahi bachaingy.
• Finally, don’t ever, EVER, forget to apply ‘Revlon‘ deodorant otherwise things might get a bit nasty for you and him. You might need to use 2 bottles of an exquisite perfume and carry an extra with you, specially if you’re living in Karachi because bari kutta garmi hoti hai.

AND THAT’S IT! Isn’t it fucking easy or what? Hah. Okay, on a serious note. Really girls, all this just to look better? I swear, you look much more beautiful without using all this shit. But yeah, waxing is necessary. And clean feet. Honestly. Stop flaunting money on these over-precious cosmetics. Stick to your budget and don’t make the lives of your dads, brothers and HIMs more difficult (than it already is, huhu). You’re all beautiful in your own ways. Even dark has a certain charm which the fair can never have. God made you special in your own way. Cherish your looks and please desi girls, stop comparing yourself with ferangi women (western women, that is). You’re more beautiful than those ladies with translucent skins, I mean where’s the attraction in that? Remember, beauty freaks, you look your best when you look natural. Mark my words. Cheers!