Most of the people you come across nowadays are often whining about monetary issues, bosses, families and what not. This is all usual. We can expect ‘absurdities’ when it comes to these things. But the most recent grumblings which compelled me to compose this blog were “I don’t have any real friends” or “Only if I had some good friends…”
First of all, everybody has a friend. Full stop. There should be zero arguments about this. There is no question that you can survive in this drastic world without somebody by your side. This friend might be your sibling, a neighbor, someone from your institute, a colleague or some e-friend.
Secondly, who exactly do you consider your ‘real friend’? Someone who cooks for you daily? Someone who buys expensive gifts on your birthday? Someone who plans midnight surprises on your birthday? Someone who helps you dispose off a body of a person you just murdered?
If the answer to any one (or, to my utter horror, all) of the above questions is affirmative, then you, my dear, are entirely at fault. You might be just shoving your real friends away by being selfish or expecting a lot, I repeat, ‘a lot’.
Before I say anything on my own, let’s see what lessons Hazrat Ali (A.S) has taught us regarding friends:
So beautifully stated, isn’t it?
You see guys, you can’t have everything you wish for. You can’t expect to have a superbly intelligent nerd who helps you to secure at least a B in every test by constantly coaxing you for group studies, as your friend and at the same time expect him/her to go with you for a game five times a week or shopping (whatever suits the gender). You need to realize that “perfect personalities don’t exist, at all.”
Following are some points which can a) make you a good friend for others & b) help you realize who your true friends are. Chances are that they might just be lurking around you and you only need a nudge from me to see them.
- Simply, lower your expectations, for a start.
- Don’t be materialistic, it’s obviously not an attractive personality trait.
- Try to cherish your moments with your buddy by having a good laugh, a good gossip or talking about some serious issues concerning your/their life.
- Be a good listener as well as a good speaker. Mutual interests are extremely necessary to be good friends with someone.
- Once in a while, engage in a talk that concerns families. The more you talk about people close to your friend, the more he/she will trust you. And obviously, vice versa.
- Presents are important, yes, but not as effective as sweet and sincere words. Your gifts should never indicate that you’re impressing or flaunting neither they should show that you’re gifting grudgingly. But a sincere wish, will too, go a long way. It’ll be etched in their minds.
- While we’re discussing wishes another important point to keep in mind is to make sure you convince them that you’re genuinely concerned about their happiness and life.
- Never compare your own riches or money with your friend. NEVER.
- Be sincerely happy at their achievements.
- Relationships can distance you from your friends. If this is the case, do let them know you want to help them and then give your friend the desired space. If he/she comes to you, great! If not, he/she never did consider you a friend.
- Occasionally, sharing personal secrets is healthy for your friendship.
- Avoid backbiting. Entirely. This cracks the basis of trust.
- Help them in their time of need. The thing is, there might come a point in your life when either of you may not be available for each other at the time of need. No worries, if the friendship is strong, you will find at least a moment to inquire about them through a simple phone call. Even that is enough.
- Friendship is not about going to lavish restaurants for lunches. It’s about making your own lunch and watching a badass movie in your room together. (Oh and washing dishes later).
- Better is, not to discuss your friendship matters with strangers.
- Your real friend won’t go on 3 days in a row without talking you. Bear that in mind!
Your friend won’t have a tattoo on their forehead to prove to you that he/she is your friend. There is no test for proving the strength of friendship. It depends on your own notions. You’ll just feel a connection.
Friends are necessary. Your parents and siblings will not be around forever. Relatives, are a totally different story. During your rough times, when even your closest cousins might scarper, only your real friends shall be there. Make sure you cherish your friends, be a good companion and find good companions for your own selves.