A crushed heart of gold

(This poem was in my drafts since months and I have no idea why I never shared it here. I must say though, before any negative criticism makes its way into the comments section, that I am NOT a poet. Poetry has never been my forte, admittedly, but I did try writing a few poems in the last two years, mainly due to the urge to try out something different and experiment with my writing.)

***

He gave her a look, so deeply cold,

Eliminating memories, all them old,

A look that said, O girl behold,

To lords of evil, my soul is sold,

That gaze she tried so hard to hold,

Silently, watching his moods that rolled,

His anger paused itself to mould,

Into a hatred, so wild, so crushing,

Tearing apart, that heart of gold.

***

 

Image credits: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9KHa_nSeVfE/maxresdefault.jpg

Can’t handle kids? Don’t make one!

A good and keen observation can take you a long way and teach you things nobody would ever bother to tell you.
Kids are very observant. But of course, they observe only what they like to observe. For example, they’ll observe a cartoon series and maybe, try to implement in on themselves or others around them. Or, they’ll observe their family issues and try to figure out why their family is always so tensed up. At these moments, their mind works furiously over these questions and new queries keep popping up. They want to find answers but how, that’s the real question.
Kids are fascinating and I’ve always loved those kids who have loads of things to discuss, are jolly and are always questioning. True, sometimes people get irritated but they make the mistake of displaying their irritation on their face or verbally expressing it. Which obviously, starts turning the child’s thinking processes to find other ways to search for their answers.
This, of course, is a big question mark on the ability of the parents. It is their responsibility to quench their thirst. Not every question has to be answered but it’s very easy to feed them something else of their interest and satisfy them. Only the clever and good parents know how to handle their child and what answers to give him/her. Sad to say, it’s pretty rare.
I don’t understand sometimes, why some parents even bother to burden themselves with a child (or more) when they don’t even know how to raise them up. They don’t realize how much harmful that is for the society on the whole and even for their own reputation. Blaming the child is easy for your mistakes but you can’t fool the society and the good people out there. Their harshness at home with their kid, can lead to dangerous molding of his/her thoughts into something that’s full of hate and detest for parents or adults, on the whole and it is an alarming situation. So if someone isn’t ready to bear a child’s antics and the way his/her mind works, they shouldn’t even bring them in this world. Because one way or another, this is, ultimate cruelty.

Carpe Diem

We sat on our favorite spot at the beach; an old wooden stray log, covered with moss, damp as always, no matter how dry the weather was, big enough to seat four people at once. It was a secluded location, which mostly people never came by.

 

My eyes were on the horizon, where the blues of the sky and the raging water of the sea weaved together. Sometimes, they wandered off to the gray sea gulls, diving in the water empty beaked and coming out with a fish dangling in it. Or sometimes, my eyes found the nature in the sand, the crabs, the sea-shells, the sea-weeds, the jellyfish and what not. Sometimes I looked at the bare footed camel-men and horse-men, asking the people to ride their animals and to make their day by handing them some money to feed their families.

 

To others, it might have seemed like we were drinking in the beauty of the sea. As if we had this once in a lifetime chance, to observe the sea life, before we trudge back to the burdens of the city life. To others, we might have been just another couple, spending their day together, away from the crowded streets and talking about our future plans. Only, if they knew…

 

Her slender fingers were playing along the sand. She was unusually quiet, waiting for me to break the silence. She smelled of flowers, like always, a soft fragrance she carried, where ever she went. She wore a lilac colored dress, blending with the sea environment. She wore a hat to shield her face from sun and sand. At last, which seemed like an eternity, she sighed slowly and looked at me.

 

“Talk to me.” Her melodious voice entered my ears and made me smile, internally.

 

She was waiting for my answer. All this time, I had been processing the words to say to her. How best to say the worst, which would, finally, break her, break me and destroy everything for us. The world we had designed in our imagination, would be shattered to innumerable pieces, which could never ever be glued together, again. I couldn’t find the strength to say it. I couldn’t struggle with the words anymore, not any longer.

 

“We’re leaving.” Eyes, I kept on the horizon, distancing myself from her, from everything. I couldn’t bear to look at her when I said those two words. How would I ever forgive myself?

 

Her hand found my face. Slowly, her fingers started stroking me, tracing a path from my temple to the jaw.  I could feel every pore of my body tingling. She cradled my face and made me face her. I gained the strength, from her touch, to look at her face and finally, into her soulful, deep, umber eyes.

 

No tears, was the first thing I saw, and a heartwarming smile, playing on her lips.

 

“So, my dear,” she began, “do you want to spend these last moments in our about-to-shatter-world, weeping, moaning, cursing and despairingly watching the horizon?” Her hands clutched mine, inducing her usual aura of love and care inside me.

 

“I can’t help it.” I said shortly.

 

“You can.” She was probably unaware of the situation.

 

“I’ll be at the other side of this world, at an other end, unable to see you, unable to talk to you, unable to escape for these short-notice meet-ups, unable to breathe in your fragrance-’’ I caught myself. “It will all be very difficult and I don’t understand how you can be so calm.”

 

“I don’t want to waste my time moping. I knew this would happen the moment you told me a week back that your dad has decided and it was final. I knew you’d fight. I knew you’d argue, but I also knew there would be no change in his decision.” She replied, while caressing the palms of my hands. “I don’t want to you to be dripping with silence, at least not now. I wasn’t us to talk, I want us to make the most of our time. It will be difficult, don’t you think I know? It would be disastrous, it would be agonizing, but why to discuss our despairs now? This is the time to remember our happy moments, the memories we’ll cherish forever. The times of laughter, the times we thought our life was complete. I want you to remember those moments and keep them alive in your thoughts. Carpe diem, is what I believe in.”

 

“They’ll always be alive in my thoughts, you know that. But right now, I feel hollow. I can’t bear this emptiness. You’re here with me right now, and you won’t be, two days later. I can’t stop thinking about it and I don’t know how I’ll survive. After sometime, I’ll get busy; we’ll have to start over. It’d be a whole new life. What if I forget you, your smile, your cheerfulness, your whole existence? I don’t want that to happen.” I felt helpless; I was at a loss for words to express what I was going through.

 

“Remember one thing then,” her voice dripped with forced strength, it had always been her best quality and I adored her for her courage to face the hard times, “if you don’t want to forget me, you won’t forget me. It is as simple as that. What you want is all that matters.”

 

I knew she could tell I wasn’t satisfied. She knew I was troubled. My whole face was a mess. I knew I looked terrible. But what I felt like inside, was no match for this. Inside, was post-war scene. Heart, mind, soul, breathing, sleeping, no matter what it was before, now it was a picture of massive destruction and chaos.

 

“What do you want me to do? I can’t see you like this. I want you to be happy; I want you to be strong. I want us to laugh today and think about our last moments together in the times to come. Let these moments be our light and warmth in the dark & cold times. Let our smiles be the guidance to a new life whenever we feel lost. So then, my dear, tell me what should I do to make you cheer up?”

 

“You could at least quit being strong and stop fighting the immense pain you’re shielding behind your smile, shed a few tears and give me a reason to hug you close and murmur in your ear that it would all be okay.” I ran my fingers through her hair and felt their softness, probably for the last time ever, I thought.

 

At this, she laughed, my favorite laugh. Like many bells tinkling together, breaking a cold silence and warming every soul around it, with their perfect sounds.

 

“The thing is, my sweetheart,” she looked into my eyes, smiling broadly, “I can never cry when I’m with you.”

 

 

***

 

Like she wanted, she made the last moments perfect.

I remember her sweet breath, fanning my face,

I remember her auburn hair, shielding everything else,

I remember her coming closer to me, and closer still,

And I vividly remember, never wanting to let her go.

 

 

 

The last piece of my life

My life was a jigsaw puzzle, missing one last piece. The incompleteness perturbed me greatly. The chaotic emotions whirling inside me were felt only by me. I never let this veil unfold. When he entered my life, he had a certain powerful aura about him, one which I failed to resist. My guard shattered to million pieces, as with one single, soul-piercing glance, he pulled me out of my misery. He saw right through the veil I had so tightly wrapped around me. He was a magician, no doubt. This man was a plethora of amazement that bound my interest to him, even unconsciously. The hand he always held out for me was warm, just like his smile, just like his feelings, just like his words. His existence was the reason I looked up again. You, my dear, are the last piece of my life puzzle, the one God made me wait for a very long time. You complete me.