I boarded a train to the world of the Divine. I had no company; not that I cared. Sadly, my journey stopped before starting. That’s when I heard “It isn’t your turn yet. Return.”
And then, all I saw was a dense mist around me. I got lost. I tried to feel my way, like He told me to. I tried to call Him, but He didn’t answer. It grew darker, with every step I took. I found it difficult to walk. There was no one around, not a single soul, to guide me, or to simply take my hand and keep it warm. Everything was cold here. It screamed that I was uninvited. I moved in every direction and then I realized, I couldn’t even see where I had started my journey from. The mist engulfed me, it made my breathing heavier. I cried, I yelled, I screamed till my throat felt sore. I felt around me but my senses didn’t help me. I searched for a light, a ray of hope. It was useless. Tired and helplessly, I fell down on my knees. I curled myself, hugging my legs and wept. I’ve never stopped, since then.
I still wait for His call. I want to board that train again, which would take me away from this dense mist of horror, to my final destination.
You know people, I’ve concluded in these 23 years (well, actually it’ll be 23 in July, but anyway) of my melodramatic life, that the reason of our constant failure and lack in attaining some greater position in the world is in reality, very simple:
“We are not sincere to ourselves.We jump onto different conclusions without considering the circumstances of the situation and also, we lack the ability to be confident and give confident answers.”
I asked someone close to me, a question regarding marriage and differences in religion. Although I wasn’t expecting a straight reply, but I knew that person had knowledge of religion. What really bothered me was the conclusion drawn from my question and it compelled me to rant here. Cutting the shit, here’s the question I asked:
“Marriage of Muslims with the Ahl-e-Kitaab (believers of the four Holy books) is okay in Islam but marrying a Hindu is not. But what I’ve observed is, that some Hindus, are much better than some Ahl-e-Kitaab, some Hindus do consider sex before marriage wrong, they consider drinking wrong, they follow many rules which we Muslims follow as well. They fast, they have their religious ceremonies. They do not eat pork. And they support Muslims and Islam. But most Ahl-e-Kitaab, they don’t even believe in God, they’ve literally twisted the Holy books, they eat pork, they drink, Pope doesn’t get married (that’s defying the laws of family), how is all that acceptable but not the Hindus?”
I hope you guys get the gist of my query. But what’s more important is the answer:
“Read it yourself, go research. And why are you even asking this question? Are you planning to get married to someone who is not a Muslim?”
Really? RE-FUCKING-ALLY? This was just a simple query that popped up in my mind and now people are thinking I’m inclined to getting married to some Hindu/Believer.
I’m so done living in this world really. I don’t even have nay words to express how furious I was after hearing this. No wonder we are so behind. We let our judgemental minds take over the good side. Keep up with this attitude and in no time Pakistan will be a forgotten state, mark my words.
p.s: I’m not talking about the general Hindu/Believer communities, these are the people I’ve observed, my observations might be deviating from the reality.
All sealed and veiled,
And treasures buried,
Our deeds in hands,
And soul now peeled,
Memories of life,
Them demons and angels,
Those engraved scars,
No worries of health,
Grains or field,
That silence around,
Those chills you feel,
Pray for eternal mercy,
Kneel forever in yield.
When was the last time, dear ones, that you actually knelt before Allah and prayed for His forgiveness on the countless sins we do in our everyday life without even realizing them?
No, I’m not giving you a sermon. Sermons dont do much good. They give you knowledge, no doubt, but whatever you do, is inside you. It depends on what you think is right or wrong. It all comes from within. And whoever reads this post, is definitely not a child. They know what they’re doing and they’re fully aware of it.
When we pray, we are usually lost mentally. But yeah, we are physically present. One thing which people mostly forget is that if you’re not mentally present, whatever you do physically might be full of faults too. For instance, we recite some surah. Our mind gets diverted in the middle of the recitation, all thanks to Satan of course, and the result is that we are left hanging in complete shame. “Where was I? Oh God!” And we start it again. We dont realize that God is in front of us, observing all this. How embarrassing it would be if God would be actually present and we get stuck in from of Him during recitation? Just give it a thought.
So the thing is, how to avoid that diversion? The best way is to recite everything a bit loudly (I’m of course talking about females here, males already do that). Secondly, before starting your prayers, remind yourself what you’re about to do. Remind yourself of the sins you’ve done. Remind yourself of the the sins you’re really ashamed of. This will in turn make you feel guilty and you’ll turn to Allah with shame and fear. It works. And Allah says that He wants you to pray with full dedication. So what’s better then, eh? Finally, remind yourself of the of Judgement. Keep reminding yourself that Allah can see you. So if your hands are not properly reaching your ears for takbeer, you’ll automatically stay focused and correct yourself.
I’ve tried it myself and I find it very useful. Only you have the ability to fight off Satan. And you can do it. Because keep in mind, your number of prayers do count but it is your niyyat that count more.